No, you don't hate your job, you just have a bad boss!

Hear me, hear ye! 

If the answer is yes to these 5 questions below, stay on. Here's how to know it's not your job that you have a problem with, rather your boss and his or her leadership skills or lack of it. 

1. Does your boss constantly gaslight you?
2. Is your boss quick to blame you and less likely to recognize your talents?
3. Do you feel like your boss is competing with you?
4. Does your boss use belittling comments to refer to you or your work?
5. Has your boss ever thrown you under the bus for something you did not do?

Caption: An image of an abstract demoralized human

So many times, very skilled, committed, and talented employees leave their jobs and not because they did not like what they do, but rather because the boss is just impossible to work with. Overtime, due to financial reasons and need to survive, people will tolerate unworthy leadership. Such employees usually leave immediately they are triggered enough and they never look back. As they should! But, of what benefit is it to lose a high perfoming employee because of ego?

It shouldn't have to get to that. I have been a victim of self-centered, egocentric management and took in so much insults in different shapes and forms, belittling comments that I started to believe in them. 

A HR Manager once called me needy and said I think she is my mother after respectfully asking her to be available some more as  a lot was at stake due to her being consistently inconsistent. But nooooo, gaslighting was her best response. I took it gracefully but this will stay with me forever. I also once shared in confidence with a manager that someone sent me very sexist message at work but instead she took it upon herself to never deal with the issue. Have you ever called a HR to discuss your salary but instead they did away with you with a we already increased salaries for everyone in January when you were clearly not part of the consideration.

I have also tried reaching out to different managers for weeks to review a financial report that was due in five weeks without success, only for the due date to arrive, and my boss told me I should have told her people were not responsive on time, she was the people. She also told me that I should instead ask for an extension and stop putting people under unnecessary pressure. Unnecessary she said! This same boss would tell me I should not let myself be stressed and give people time to review stuff when I was being very strategic to avoid a repetition of the last blowout. Gaslighting at its best! Some bosses only think their idea is best and are very bad listeners! Oh boy, did I tell you I had a boss who would constantly shush me and repeatedly say stop stop stop whenever someone needed to give an input? Insulting! Demeaning! Unnecessary!

So, yes! I have been there, and I'm done being! I am not a confrontational person at work, so, many people would mistake it for naivety, niceness or whatever is synonymous to being stupid, polite and easy to step on. I know so many people avoid confrontation at work because you just never know with such bosses . They have very unpredictable temperament.

If you are already feeling like this relates to you, it's because it is. You can love what you do and enjoy doing it so much that you let your boss walk allover you, belittle you and slowly allow them to eat the life off you. Unfortunately, this can only go on for so long.  After sometime, you'll start buying into their comments and think you're unworthy, stupid, useless or completely incapable without them or whatever they convince you, you are.

I am not a psychiatrist or a psychologist, but I know we become our habits or what we tell ourselves over time. I have many times believed such and then I would kick ass and work some incredible magic at work, and this would be the reminder that no, I am not unworthy, I am a human being completely lacking of boundaries at work, that I let it go too far. 

So, how about we pick ourselves up, dust it all off, believe in our superpower, and embrace the very amazing, talented, strategic, capable, charismatic humans that we are, and claim back that power, worth and continue to walk these career streets like the next big thing that we are. Let's not let their words get to us but instead turn these belittling, rude, unprofessional, and gaslighting comments into the fuel that would gear us into our purpose. Don't let anyone, dim your light. 

Did you notice I used boss and not leader? Big! Huge difference. So, if you can't change the boss, change the job!